My Identity?

Life... sometimes it is just one of those really funny things.  Okay, maybe yours isn't?  Mine is just full of moments where I look at myself and say.. "Abbie, what were you thinking?"... "Why are you trying to take control?" 

So, I'm a little bit of a control freak and I always need to know what is going on around me and I do not like it when I am not in control of the things.  I want to pick up the pieces, mend the brokenness, rebuild the broken bridges, and any other weird analogy you would like to use to explain that feeling where you just want everything to be "okay" and back to normal.  I don't do well with conflict and I don't always have it all together. Why? Because I am human, I am flawed, and I am not perfect.  

I say all of this to give you a little background.  I sometimes can't help but laugh at myself for thinking that I can do things in my own strength.  For thinking that I have it all under control.  For not letting God have my life completely. 

I try to hold a tight grasp around the things in my life that I feel that I can (and need to) control myself... which that's funny because I can't do anything on my own.  I have recently learned never to say "never" when I am living a life that is NOT my own.  God has a plan that I cannot see and He is slowly revealing that plan to me, one piece at a time.  All I want is to see what the picture looks like when all of the pieces to the puzzle are put together, but that obviously is not what God has planned for me right now.  If He wanted me to know what my life was going to look like a ten years from now, or even what it will look like six months from now, then He would direct me there. 

But, right now I have learned that patience is a beautiful thing and that we are not going to know all of the answers right now.  It takes time to figure things out, and God works in amazing ways to get us to the places that He wants us to be. 

I may be human, flawed, and imperfect... but I am also loved, adopted, and forgiven.  Most importantly, my identity is in Christ.  Not in any thing, hobby, friend, family member, job or anything of this world.  It is in Christ.  This life is not mine, it is His to use.  I can plan all I want to for a future that I see myself having, but our plans fail, because God has a beautiful and perfect plan for our lives. 

Amazing Love

"By trying to grab fulfillment everywhere, we find it nowhere." - Elisabeth Elliot

Time and time again I find myself looking for purpose, fulfillment, and worth in things, people and actions in and of this world.  As I jump into something that I think will give me purpose I will without a doubt be disappointed by the outcome of this situation.  Anything that I think may give me meaning that is of this world is going to leave me empty time and time again.   

I think this hold true with a lot of people.  We search the world for meaning, for acceptance, for our place, and for peace, but in the end we come out empty handed because the one thing that we need is not going to be found in this world.  I got a great reminder this morning of God's amazing love for us.  There are times when I let it slip my mind that I am loved by a God that is greater than anything that we can fathom or anything that we can find in this world. 

I find myself wrapped up in people pleasing and trying to get other people to love me or to understand me, but the truth of the matter is that I am already loved by such an amazing God that there is no need to seek approval by other people.  God has stolen my heart, and I think that sometimes I forget how great of a gift that actually is.  His love covered every sin, His blood set me free.  That realization is one that makes even what seems like the biggest tragedy in the world, seem small and irrelevant.  God's love is not dependent upon my actions, my love, or my talent.  God's love is unfailing, unending, and greater than any other love.  That is one thing I never want to forget.